“7 Secrets of being Happy Again”

“Finding True Happiness After Divorce” 

Chapter 1 

“The Basic Steps to Recovering From a Divorce” 

It Hurts, You Bleed

What has happened to you can be likened to a cut on your hand: It hurts, and you bleed, but you wash it off, perhaps apply some medication, then a bandage and allow time as well as the healing processes of the human system to make it all well again. So it is with the dissolution of a marriage, but the bottom line is still: You must cure yourself of the hurt before you can be happy again.

You're going to feel lonely, lost and deserted. You're going to grieve. You are going to mourn the loss of your loved one. You're going to deny that it's over, and think of it as a bad dream. You may fall into a state of deep depression and pretend that it's only a game that will soon end.

In order to counter these feelings, you must try to keep yourself busy - cleaning the house, washing your car, writing out a budget, studying and/or working - you must force yourself to "keep moving and working" on the kinds of things that make you self-sufficient as well as a person that can hold his or her head up in any crowd or situation.

You're going to become so angry that you'll want to do things "just to spite" your lost loved one. Women in particular, have a difficult time coping with the anger phase. They become bitter because of the rejection they feel, the abandonment, and what they consider the lack of honesty on the part of their former husbands. It manifests itself as a result of final property settlements and child support agreements. They sometimes withhold visitation rights with the children in order to punish or get their point across.

You must understand that anger is the process of projecting onto another person, your own sense of hurt and frustration. Anger is a natural feeling in a stressful situation. Regardless of how it's done, you must express the feelings of anger you're carrying or they'll "eat you alive!" The important thing is to understand that it's a natural feeling as a result of a divorce, and that you have to let these feelings out - get rid of them - before you can truly go on to become a happy person.

The best way to deal with anger is to know precisely what you're angry about - write it down on paper - and then pick the most appropriate method as well as time, to express your anger to the person that has made you angry.

Another phase you'll be going through is one of all-consuming guilt feelings. “If I hadn't of, or if I had done this or that differently, or if only I had been a little more understanding.” The more you dwell upon this kind of thinking, the deeper you'll fall into the trap of self-martyrdom which allows you to think of yourself as a loser, a failure, and not deserving of happiness.